Not my will...

What is it about a blank page that stills my fingers AND the thoughts in my head? My mind constantly hums; that is, until I sit down at my computer with a blank blog page staring back at me. :-) So, here goes... I'll just barge in and see what happens.

Lately I've been weighing this: Why does the idea of fulfilling your calling from God sound so glamorous until it happens?

Because until it happens, that's about all it is: an idea.

My definition of 'my calling from God' is that whatever He brings into my life or leads me into, is my calling from God. Whether it's for that particular moment, or the next several years, or my lifetime. As small as reaching out to someone in line at the grocery store or moving to Zimbabwe for 100 years. You get the idea.

"Oh, doesn't it sound so wonderful and rewarding to really make a difference? How lovely to be a warm, shining example of Christ to those who have real needs"....such dreamy thoughts are mine (not consciously, but subconsciously), as I imagine changing the world one life at a time.

And...cut.

Reality hits, and God brings a 'burden' into my life. I find myself resisting. In my heart, I know what I absolutely must do, and I want to do it. But it's a battle of wills -- God's gracious will and my own selfish, comfortable, I better-not-be-too-inconvenienced will.

So, more personally...God did bring something into my life recently. Glamorous? No. Am I inconvenienced? Yes. Am I uncomfortable? At times. Do I wish it away? Honestly, I do, sometimes; briefly, until I realize how ridiculous that is.

Am I in pain? No. Is another soul benefiting from my 'discomfort'? I believe so. And that's all that matters.

O Lord, forgive. I know He has, and is. I'm thankful that knows me, understands me and wants to work in me to turn my heart back to Him!

The situation we're in at the moment will not last forever. Of course, it sounds nice to have 'my' life back, packaged neat and tidy and predictably (and preferably 1800 sq ft?). But it's probably not what God desires for us, and so be it! Not my will, but His.

Posted in: on Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at at 10:54 PM 3 comments  

whiny, adorable kids and cheesy authors

This post: long overdue. Ah, well...life. So much going on, at our house and in my mind!

Do you think you can be depressed and not know it? I don't know for sure if I would call it depression, but I'm wondering about it. The past couple of years have been a huge adjustment, having to forfeit my "life" for my kids' and their needs. Possibly, one disadvantage of marrying at 26, and having kids after you've been footloose and fancy free for so long! But anyway. I'll get over it.

All of that to say, this summer it's like I've been re-awakened to the possibility of all the things I actually CAN experience in life, and even the simplest of things, like....reading a BOOK! A shallow, fluffy romance even! (Don't worry, no Harlequins here) Just to be reminded that I can have a life that doesn't have a thing to do with sippy cups and Veggie Tales.

Don't misunderstand-- I adore my children and love to just look at them and marvel at their brilliance! ;-) But it's nice to have something else to think about sometimes.

I better post a picture of them to assuage my feeling of guilt. ;-) Aren't they delicious.


So, I mentioned depression earlier. I think everyone experiences it on some level. I think I thought my life was over the last couple of years, so, yes...I was a bit depressed about it! But as Beck and Greer get older, I see that already they aren't demanding so much hands-on attention, and I actually have time to think about fun girly things. :-)

I have at least one more post brewing at the moment, but until then, I need your help: A good author recommendation! I might be alone in this, but there is such cheesiness in a lot of Christian fiction. Such as, "She looked and there he was. Josh Nelson, the one guy whose memory was never more than a sunset away." Come ON! I didn't make that up - it's copied and pasted from a book by one of the post popular Christian fiction authors, who shall remain nameless here. :-) Sidenote: we actually have a real-life friend named Josh Nelson. Weird.

So, all is well with us. Life brings unexpected changes (which I will post about soon) that keep me continually running back to the Lord for FORGIVENESS and REST, and always, PEACE.

Peace to you, too!

Posted in: on Saturday, September 19, 2009 at at 9:15 PM 3 comments  

Happy Birthday to my little Greer...

Posted in: on Wednesday, August 12, 2009 at at 10:42 PM 2 comments  

yum.


i was getting ready to eat my lunch and it looked so good i had to take a picture. some of you may gag (like my husband) but mmm...this is my favorite type of lunch. if you're interested, what you're looking at is chicken breast (deli-style) on a tortilla topped with lettuce, avocado, tomato, vidalia onion and salsa verde. Real Simple magazine had a recipe awhile ago called 'tomatillo chicken roll-ups'. SO delish. this is a bit similar to that. yum!!

Posted in: on Thursday, June 18, 2009 at at 12:50 PM 6 comments  

Airing my dirty closet

can you say.....depressing? all this stuff was, well, stuffed in there. i hated opening this door. partly because it was a wreck, but also because i wasn't positive that i or some other unsuspecting victim wouldn't get a concussion out of the deal. but, being our main closet in the house, it was necessary. so, today i decided enough was enough!




ahh. peace. order. safety.

i know i don't have an abundance of readers, but to whomever decides to drop by...be honest. i'd really like to know: do you have a 'junk' area in your home? a drawer, closet, catch-all type of place? we always had a junk drawer growing up. but i'm thinking i'd love my house to be in such order (most of the time) that i wouldn't have any place that i couldn't show anyone. not easy in a 900-something sq. ft. house, but i do think it's attainable.

someday, that may become a reality! i can always dream, can't i?

same with my 'spiritual' house. (i can't not go the way of the blog and not include my spiritual analogy) sometimes it needs a GOOD purging of junk that has no place there.

Search me, O God...know my heart.

cleanse me.

purify my thoughts, my motives.

and lead me in the way everlasting!

Posted in: on Monday, June 15, 2009 at at 2:43 PM 3 comments  

Devotion

Tonight I'm on a quest. Searching for a devotional. Of course I'm looking for the perfect one that will instantly and automatically catapult my devotional life to amazing heights. ;-) The truth is, nothing replaces time spent in God's word. Even though I don't have the time (or brain capacity) these days to immerse myself in deep, expository study, I know that God will bless the time that I do devote towards spending time with Him.

So. It's time...time to quit excusing myself. My husband says that real change happens when you become so sick and tired of where you are that you can't STAND it a minute longer. Sounds dramatic, but to some degree, I'm there. I so long for a more intimate connection with my Father, every day, all day.

Fellow busy mums--help a sister out, here...what are some suggestions for balancing your household and family's needs with your own spiritual needs? Whether it's a certain devotional you like, or tips for better time-management, or anything.

Psalm 63

1 O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.
2 So I have looked for You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.

3 Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips shall praise You.
4 Thus I will bless You while I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
5 My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.

6 When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches.
7 Because You have been my help,
Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.
8 My soul follows close behind You;
Your right hand upholds me.

Posted in: on Wednesday, June 3, 2009 at at 11:04 PM 4 comments  

(one of) the bottom line(s)

i love the bottom line. i feel like i'm constantly searching for it and stating it to whomever happens to be the lucky recipient at the time! my husband and i were talking a couple nights ago when we should have been sleeping, hashing out various issues/scenarios in our lives right now...what do we think about this, do about that, etc.... this verse came to me and i remembered how much i love it.

He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God? micah 6:8

once i thought about that for a bit, all the whys and what to dos kind of took a back seat. it's a wonderful thing to be able to rest in the peace of the Lord!

Posted in: on Monday, March 30, 2009 at at 11:58 PM 1 comments  

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